She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
