We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
