I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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