My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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