Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
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I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
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Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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