You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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