If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
