I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
