just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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