i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
