Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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