Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize