The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
