I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
