i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
