Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You were trust falling into bushes
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
