I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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