Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
