I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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