i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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