If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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