This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
