You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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