I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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