Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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