Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He felt like a one man threesome
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
