I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
