please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
