her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
