My underwear smells like fireworks.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
