At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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