It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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