Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
We're like a lot better than the average bears
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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