I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize
