Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
