I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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