Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Operation Purity has been aborted
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
