y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
