Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
