Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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