Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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