just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
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She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
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she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
A+ Viking dick
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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