You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
