dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
