Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
