Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Sober January is a disaster.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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