it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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