i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
