rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Success! We fucked roommates!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
