I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
