Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
