A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
