Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
