hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
