Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
