Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
