Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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