She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
