even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
