i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
