So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
