Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you will always have a special place in my vag
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
