We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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