I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
