Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Well I just put wine in my tea
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
