I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
