My nipple is on Facebook.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
My ATM looks so different sober.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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