Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
