She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
